Thoughts...

Greed is an addiction

One of the most overlooked addictions is the addiction to greed.  A destructive disease of the mind. In order to think about addiction as a disease process, I will use the term disease as not just a pathology but one that gets worse over time.

Greed enacts the cultural myth of “when I____, then I ______.”  It’s intensely future focused and becomes the proverbial carrot on a stick.  Consequently, you become the jackass that keeps striving, pursuing and grasping.

Each win releases adrenaline and dopamine into the system and the chase for the high is ever fueled.  I mean, what is the difference between 20 million dollars and 40 million dollars?  It has no real impact on someone’s life or lifestyle but that doesn’t stop people for grabbing for more. 

Society offers us some convenient examples of this. Many of our world’s leaders and billionaire families offer us a very close up look at the sickness of the addiction...

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The real cause of relationship difficulties!

The mismanagement of anger is the REAL cause of most relationship difficulties.

Here, check this out!

Do you find yourself arguing, fighting or contending with your partner?

Do you lash out or get sarcastic with your partner?

Do you find yourself feeling more and more disconnected from one another?

Do you find yourself complaining or blaming your partner?

Do you find yourself thinking that there is something wrong with you?

Do you find that sex is waning in your relationship?

Do you find yourself trying to please your partner but often feel like you are failing?

Do you ever think the only thing wrong with your relationship is your PARTNER?

These are ALL symptoms of the mismanagement of anger.

One of the MOST famous researchers of couples is John Gottman. Perhaps you have heard of his ability to predict couple separation based on what he called the “four horseman of the apocalypse" (p.125). He suggests that there are four behaviors that are destructive to a relationship; ...

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So...Nu?

That’s how my grandmother would ask, a kind of yidlish (Yiddish/English) short hand. But already I digress! (See what happens, all of a sudden I’m Jackie Mason) Any how, this question would usually illicit a kind of grunted “gut (good) how’s by you?” If the conversation would continue, it would be about; aches, pains, medications, doctor visits, the health of everyone and anyone, births, marriages, deaths and illness. Is that everything?...Yeah…that’s about right.

Let’s not go there, I started writing this for another reason.

Think of this post like a newsletter...with some updates!

There is a lot NU and I wanted to share it with you. You see, over the summer, I have been surprisingly productive. Believe it or not, being productive is not one of my values but when I am inspired, moved, curious and creative, things happen!

My health

Knock wood, I am doing quite well over all. Gout is 98% better, which is in totally the right direction...

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Single Dads…some thoughts

Think of what I am offering here as an approach and think about how you can cultivate this approach in your self and and how you interact with your your ex.

Over the years I have worked with some incredible men; men who are divorced or separated from a partner and having to manage co-parenting with someone who can be quite uncooperative.  

Remember, you are co-parents forever and I realize that this can be very difficult at times but there are a few things that can help orient you in a better way. 

1) Take care of yourself!  Many single fathers believe that they must sacrifice in order to parent and that is only somewhat true.  Investing time into your kids is not just about them, but it is also about you and what you get out of those relationships. 

What I am really referring to here is that some dads tend to forsake basic self care and then run on fumes or worse, run on empty.  This just breeds frustration and resentment and makes navigating and...

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Ready to make a positive difference in your relationships?

Ready to make a positive difference in your relationships?

 According to research conducted by the Gottman’s, trust and respect are significant variables to a happy and successful relationship. But another variable, made famous by researcher Brene Brown, is vulnerability!

Allowing your self to be vulnerable may contribute to a more positive and meaningful relationship space.

 Here are some things to consider.

1) Recognize and acknowledge your vulnerability!  Many try to ignore and/or hide those aspects of ourselves.  You may be scared to share that side of you because you and culture often view it as a weakness and may have had bad experiences in the past.

  • People often build walls. These walls start out as protections from potential hurts. Unfortunately, these walls are quite destructive and often create isolation and only a myth of protection.
  • It’s not easy to bring these walls down and sometimes getting help is your best bet.
  • Sharing your...
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Mother's Day Letter

 

Dear Mom, 

It's Mothers day.  As I check in with myself and see how I am feeling about your not being here for it, I noticed a few things; laughter, sadness, appreciation, warmth, affection and tenderness.

At first I laugh, thinking about how much you hated Mothers Day.  You used to say, it was the one day a year that people took their mothers out for an “airing.”  You always hated these kinds of holidays. 

You found them contemptible. You felt that these sentiments should be part of everyone’s day, every day.  I happen to agree.  

Today, when I look deeper, I discover a tenderness, a warmth and affection in me for you and from you,  a feeling of deep appreciation moves through me. 

There is also sadness, there is a missing of your voice, your humor, your smile, the sparkle in your eyes and hearing you say, “ I LOVE YOU!”   I can still hear it.  While these...

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The Vulnerable Self

Brené Brown has brought shame out of the closet for everyone, through her TED talks, books and more recently, her Netflix special.   Her ideas and concepts really resonate with so many. She makes great sense but ONE thing that many audience members forget is that when Dr. Brown discovered the concept of vulnerability she went for therapy and spent 8 years working on herself!  

Now, there are two things I am pretty darn sure of; one is that therapy does not need to take 8 years; the other is that I am sure this was NOT some form of cognitive/behavioral therapy. 

Why is this important?

Because knowing that something is a good idea or concept and resonating deeply with that idea or concept does NOT mean that it will transform your life and transcend your suffering. It would be nice if that were the case but its just not how it works. 

You see, inherent in the idea of vulnerability and how it intersects with a personal sense...

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A Night of Sweet and Delicious Memories

I don’t usually attend my sister’s Passover celebration.  It’s a schlep and my current bed time is actually quite early.  But this year was the first Passover since my mom’s passing so I was moved to go.  Little did I realize it would be filled with some wonderful surprises.  

You see, my sister had made brisket and chicken cooked to my mother’s specifications!  It brought me back almost 8 years prior to when my mom still cooked. It was magical to experience the pleasure and the joy. I am so delighted that my sister still remembers how she cooked some of our favorite dishes. 

But wait! There is more!

My brother-in-law handed me a serving spoon for desert. It was SO familiar. I looked at it carefully and then I remembered.  You see, the handle was ever so melted. I laughed and smiled.  It was my mother’s and now its home was at my sister’s place. I was delighted.

My mother may not have been at...

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Taking Your Time

My grandfather was a man who took his time. He was quite the dapper gentleman.

Even shaving was quite a ritual especially compared to what used to be my shaving ritual. You see, post shower, I would use a Gillette razor with disposable heads, making quick work of the area under my scruff. 

But grandpa did it differently. He used something called a Rolls Razor. An amazing contraption that is a single blade, sharpening stone, strop and handle all built into a stainless steel case.

The process of sharpening, stropping and assembling requires a bit of time and focused attention. The blade is very sharp! How do I know? Well I found one, brand new, on eBay. While the company discontinued making them in 1958, there are a few out there that have never been used. 

Adding this to my own morning ritual is incredibly satisfying. How could you take more time to slow down a bit?

Eric G. Schneider (c) 2019

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I was so Surprised!

I mean, I was not surprised at the findings; I was surprised that it was studied in the first place.  I come across some research that examined the role of humility in relationship satisfaction & commitment.  

They found that “perceptions of humility were positively related to relationship outcomes (i.e., relationship satisfaction and forgiveness)…”  

So how does this work?  Well, according to another researcher, Davis et al. (2013) suggested that, “…when people see their partners acting unselfishly and in other-oriented ways, they view them as more humble, which leads them to see the relationship as a better investment, which causes greater commitment and relationship satisfaction.” (p.14) 

I caution you, this is NOT a suggestion of a strategy for relationship improvement!  This is actually an opportunity and an invitation for your growth and evolution.  

You...

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