I was so Surprised!

I mean, I was not surprised at the findings; I was surprised that it was studied in the first place.  I come across some research that examined the role of humility in relationship satisfaction & commitment.  

They found that “perceptions of humility were positively related to relationship outcomes (i.e., relationship satisfaction and forgiveness)…”  

So how does this work?  Well, according to another researcher, Davis et al. (2013) suggested that, “…when people see their partners acting unselfishly and in other-oriented ways, they view them as more humble, which leads them to see the relationship as a better investment, which causes greater commitment and relationship satisfaction.” (p.14) 

I caution you, this is NOT a suggestion of a strategy for relationship improvement!  This is actually an opportunity and an invitation for your growth and evolution.  

You see, there are three poisons that prevent love.  They are pride, arrogance and ignorance. You can probably already see how the cultivation of humility can address these quite easily.  When pride meets humility, reverence emerges; when arrogance meets humility, curiosity emerges; when ignorance meets humility, possibility emerges.  Humility defeats the egoic/socially conditioned self. 

Now, do not confuse modesty (a socially performative aspect of being) with true humility.  Humility comes from deeply knowing yourself and as Davis suggests, “knowing your limitations” (p.15).

Can you connect with your humility?

Farrell, J. E., Hook, J. N., Ramos, M., Davis, D. E., Van Tongeren, D. R., & Ruiz, J. M. (2015). Humility and relationship outcomes in couples: The mediating role of commitment. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 4(1), 14.

Davis, J. R., & Gold, G. J. (2011). An examination of emotional empathy, attributions of stability, and the link between perceived remorse and forgiveness. Personality and Individual Differences, 50, 392–397. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2010.10.031

Eric G. Schneider (c) 2019